I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
