come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
