i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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