That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
