I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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