OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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