Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
