i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
