I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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