Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
