The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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