i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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