I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
