Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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