It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
