first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
