Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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