My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
