did you get engaged???
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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