I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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