i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
