He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
