Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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