you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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