Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
