Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
