dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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