I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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