What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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