i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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