I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
