her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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