Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
