Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
