i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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