can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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