I could have mohawked her pubes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize