Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
