My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
