Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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