I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We had to coat check the pizza.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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