I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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