watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
