I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
