True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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