Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize