the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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