I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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