i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
