I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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