Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
