he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
