I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
