I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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