I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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