I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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