Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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