you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
