APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
