you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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