Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
