I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
