Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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