Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
