will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
