Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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