do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
