I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
