Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
