there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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