All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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