new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
