I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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