Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
