True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
