he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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