are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
