you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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