problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize