I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
