I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
