Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
