Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The air taste purple.
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