Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
