Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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