I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
