Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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