Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
