Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
