Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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