and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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