I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
