Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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