Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize