my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
