The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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