i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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