Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
