Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
