When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
