Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
