This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
